The people in front of me were often more senior in the corporate structure than I was, and I wasn’t sure how much to charge (or if I should be charging at all). Part of me worried they wouldn’t see any benefit, or worse, that I could fuck it up completely and send them straight to a therapists chair.
…a stack of frameworks and far too many highlighters I set off anyway. I didn’t need to stress too much; coaching is less about colourful stationary and more about being human & brave.
Here’s 10 things I wish someone had whispered into my ear.
Doesn’t matter who’s sitting in front of you, their job title, their salary or the size of the challenge their wrangling with. At the end of the day, they’re a person. And people find the time to think incredibly useful.
They find speaking their thoughts out loud, bring clarity. And they welcome the challenge of being asked a few simple but powerful questions by someone with zero agenda.
If I did nothing else but listen, I was already onto a winner.
Let the client lead, go where they want to go and see what happens.
I used to cling to a session plan like a lifeboat, mailing clients in advance and asking them what they wanted to focus on when we met in a few days so I could think about it.
The best coaching sessions I’ve ever been involved with, are the ones that have gone totally off-piste. The ones where I left thinking, well… I wasn’t expecting that.
All the coaches I’d met before I set up Marmalade didn’t reflect me, they were very professional, wore suits and had often written a book. It was intimidating.
But I quickly found that rapport trumps all of that. If someone feels comfortable talking to you, and that you “get them” the coaching will be more productive.
I laugh in sessions (not at anyone obviously) I swear (again not at anyone), and I’ll happily point out when something is utterly ridiculous. What I don’t do is tilt my head and give you that faux- sympathetic look (and if I ever do, please shoot me).
People want to talk with someone who resonates with them.
Either way,
growth happens.
So are music festivals as well I’ve found. I used to be a bit deflated if I didn’t see instant results in a session. Now I know it’s about planting seeds.
Sometimes you see them sprout in front of you and that’s very satisfying, sometimes it’s months later.
When I first started, clients used to say, can you send me your notes, as they saw me furiously scribbling and I used to type up notes and send them over. Or can you send me that model and I would research the best explanation of it and email it.
I don’t do that anymore. A lot of the success of coaching is people feeling accountable, accountable for the actions they said they were going to take, accountable to answer the question they’ve been dodging.
Holding them accountable for writing their own notes, doing their own google searches is all helping them be accountable for their growth.
Ending well is better than dragging it out.
If it’s not working, it’s not working. If they’re not putting the work in, it’s not working. If you’re kicking around the same stuff session after session, yep, you guessed it, it’s not working.
Sometimes it’s not you it’s them. Sometimes it’s not them, it’s you. The chemistry, the timing, the willingness… it just isn’t there. And that’s ok.
Once you’ve discussed the lack of progress, explored why it might not be clicking, the best thing you can do is call it quits.
A client always late? Cancelling last minute? Not doing their actions? Worrying about what you think about them?
That’s not admin, it’s data.
How they show up in coaching is how they show up everywhere.
The human stuff doesn’t care about your job title.
Avoiding conflict dodging tricky conversations, worrying about being liked, it doesn’t matter if you run a team or two or two thousand.
Some of the best breakthroughs happen when everyone is laughing or crying or both.
All feelings are welcome.
Coaching isn’t a solemn march to enlightenment.
Goodbyes are part of the process; you must start a new book.
It’s a funny thing, you spend months in deep conversation with someone, getting to know them, cheerleading their highs, empathising with their lows, encouraging them, supporting them, thinking about them and then puff they’re gone. The coaching is over and they’re going onto do great things and you’re onto your next client.
But coaching clients can be like a hangover from a good book. You wonder what’s happening next? How are they getting on? Did they do that thing they said they were planning.
Some people get back in touch to update you and that’s always lovely and some don’t.
If I could go back in time to my rookie coaching self, I’d say relax, you’re going to be helpful, you’re going to be good at it AND you’re going to love it. Coaching is surprising, sometimes confusing and ridiculously rewarding. And every client I’ve met has impacted me just as much as I them.
So, tell me, if you’re a coach, what do you wish you knew when you started out? If you’ve been coached by me or anyone else, what would you add to this list?
– Sinead